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An Update From Spy

February 28, 2014

Afternoon all, Spy here, catching some Zzzees underneath the palm trees in the middle of the Bahrain paddock. So, what’s the best thing about testing in Bahrain? Well d’uh, it’s warm, the sky is blue and the sun is shining. After a winter in Milton Keynes it’s the little things that can really make your day.

For those of us with many, many winters waiting for the ice to melt in Spain, this, definitely, is better – you don't need to put the driver on an aggressive brake warm-up strategy just so there's something to huddle around when the car comes back in, and we're getting to test the car rather than our eclectic selection of fingerless gloves, beanies and long trousers.

...and the car certainly needs testing. It won't have escaped your notice that this hasn't been our smoothest winter. The RB10 is a complicated beast and we've got a job list the length of the Shanghai back straight to get through. But we're getting through it. Everyone's doing long hours and we're all fairly knackered – though actually that's no different to when the car's spot-on. The team manager and the chief bolt both firmly believe the Devil makes work for idle hands. Unfortunately the long list of things they consider evidence of idleness includes sleeping and eating regular meals.

We do, however, get the opportunity to make our own entertainment, one avenue to which is reading some of the more lurid speculation that's flying around. Our favourite today is the one about Seb apparently having a massive hissy fit in Jerez, refusing to drive the car because it wasn't very good, and storming off in a huff.~

A major news broadcaster posted the story this morning, along with the line "No-one outside the team knows whether it happened or not, and those on the inside wouldn't say.

Eh? Run that by me again?

I suppose it could be true. Maybe four World Championships really have turned him into a screaming primadonna. Perhaps what really happened is Seb leapt out of the car and started foaming at the mouth. He made a very rude gesture in the direction of Adrian, snarled at Rocky, kicked Ole in the spanners and then stormed out of the garage, saddled his unicorn and rode back to Switzerland.

Meanwhile Adrian's lost his copy of the Illustrated Junior Encyclopaedia of Motorsport and says he can't design without it. Daniel's sulking is really starting to get everyone down, Dr Marko has decided to return to his roots and become a dubstep producer under his street name DJ Graz and, after his New York residency last summer, Christian's far more interested in street art than F1 anyway.

Seb, meanwhile has sent us a postcard, and says he's really sorry for all the fuss. He'll be back soon but has decided to chill for a while by spending a couple of weeks watching daytime soaps and eating crisps 'round at Mark's house.

Maybe that's what happening. It's certainly a rumour. No one outside the team knows for sure and those inside won't say...